This time last year I was winding up the highway towards a snug little bluestone chapel on the outskirts of Daylesford, Scrub Hill 1969. I was due to officiate a very special ceremony that morning – my first with a same sex couple following the landmark change to Australia’s Marriage Act on 9 December 2017.
I was rehearsing the new monitum in the car, a legal definition of marriage, which finally included the words 'the union of two people to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life'. A bittersweet win for equality, after the postal vote had wreaked havoc on the lives of so many people who had fought, ever so gently, for equal love.
Two of those people were Jason and Adrian, the very dapper grooms who greeted me with a hug and a kiss as I arrived. I adore these men, for many more reasons than I could ever squeeze into a humble blog post. They give so much of themselves to make the world a better place – often at the expense of their own time, wealth and other less tangible things too.
On that particular day, they were exuding an extra special kind of warmth. It was peaceful and it was proud. Dotted in the crowd before us were 100-odd people who collectively framed the face of diversity – of age, gender, race, sexuality and religion. This was Jason and Adrian’s tribe, out in force to give them a huge metaphorical (well, actual) hug.
Why? Because it was their ‘marriage on home soil, at last’ party.
You see, Jason and Adrian were already married. Today’s ceremony was a chance to honour 18 years since their first commitment ceremony in Australia on 18 March 2000; their legal marriage abroad in Toronto on 5 January 2004; and one more too, on 9 December 2017, when their marriage was automatically legalised in Australia following changes to the Marriage Act 1961.
On that sleepy Sunday in March, in a jam-packed chapel, there was sense of togetherness – which is pretty much how Jason and Adrian roll.
Many of their guests had walked with them during the highs and lows of their journey to educate Australia about the importance of equal love. Many had helped them to form a political party, The Australian Equality Party. Two guests, Jacqui and Sarah, had also knocked on the Prime Minister’s door asking for marriage equality two decades ago. Their son Ruben was there too, bearing all the brightest traits of a child raised in a loving rainbow community.
So for I, the celebrant, who just so happened to be six weeks pregnant and suffering the slight inbalances that brings, my goal was to do their celebration justice. No pressure.
The ceremony kicked off with a five minute film which traced their journey on the advocacy trail from when they were fresh-faced young men. It was a gift prepared by a friend and it was a beautiful collection of personal and public treasures that told their story so gracefully. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house by the time it finished.
There were live songs, readings, and speeches - and of course, their very long heartfelt vows! Amongst references to travelling the world, raising their son, Abba, Essendon Football and young head-first love, their sentiment went something like this:
Jason said Adrian, quite simply, makes him a better person. He doesn’t let him get away with anything. Jason loves waking up with Adrian by his side. He is a source of energy, his greatest critic and his cheerleader too.
Adrian said he can’t imagine a life without Jason. He is a source of motivation, inspiration and fullness in life. That he doesn’t know, or wish to know, any other kind of love.
Beautiful, right?
After the ceremony I left feeling somehow lighter about the subject of marriage equality. I wondered though, with that kind of a build up, whether Jason and Adrian would ever feel the calm that they had earned after so many years of campaigning, particularly on such a personal level.
I visited them last week and asked them that very question.
“What’s changed in your first year of legal marriage in Aus?” I asked.
“Ha, nothing much,” they said in chorus.
Things are calmer though. They’re now happily and legally married (at last), but still campaigning. There’s a long way to go to achieve equality in this country. These days, they’re putting their energy into a not-for-profit that they’ve founded called The Equality Project and a national conference called Better Together, to lead a conversation about what equality for LGBTIQ people means in practice. I applaud them.
Jason and Adrian, every time we meet we’re guilty of getting caught up in conversations that may or may not change the world. But I’m so thankful that you chose me to be your celebrant, so I got a chance to see and celebrate everything that makes your little family so special, to so many people.
Keep on leading your gentle revolution, you have my full support. Oh, and happy actual-but-not-anniversary today too.
Hales x
P.S. You can see a highlights reel of their wedding day HERE.